A couple holds hands while speaking with a marriage counselor

Marriage Counselors: Finding the Right One

Date: April 14, 2025 | 7 Minute Read

If you’re having some difficulties in your marriage or if you just want to find ways to strengthen your marriage, the first recommendation you’ll probably hear is to get a marriage counselor. But what do these counselors actually do and how does the process work? Let’s talk through the basics.

What Do Marriage Counselors Do?

Marriage counselors work with couples who are experiencing distress in their relationships. Through many effective techniques and tools, couples can improve communication, rekindle physical and emotional intimacy, and have a rewarding relationship.

Marriage counselors diagnose and treat cognitive and behavioral issues in the context of couples and families. They aim to strengthen relationships and teach you many skills to benefit your family dynamics. They help you change thoughts and behavior patterns leading to fights or distress by using professional counseling techniques and strategies.

Marriage counselors can help each individual and the whole family, depending on your family’s issues. They can address a wide range of challenges, including mental health difficulties in the marriage like substance use disorders, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and many other mental illnesses.

They understand how one person’s disorders affect the entire family and can help your family overcome them as a united group.

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How to Choose a Marriage Counselor

Knowing how to choose a marriage counselor involves some research on your end. It involves more than an online search for someone in your area. When you ask, “How do I find a marriage counselor?,” look for counselors who meet these criteria:

  • Master’s degree or higher in marriage and family therapy
  • Licensure from the state in which they work
  • Licensure in good standing
  • Experience practicing their knowledge and skills
  • Specialty area that matches your family’s needs
  • Therapy approaches in which you feel comfortable participating

You also want to learn more about what a marriage counselor does. When you start your search for a marriage counselor, ask to schedule a brief phone or online consultation so you can ask a few basic questions before you decide to make a first appointment.

In the consultation, ask questions like:

  • What does a marriage counselor do?
  • What are your credentials and specializations?
  • Have you worked with families like mine?
  • How long does counseling last?
  • What techniques do you use with families?
  • Does my insurance cover your services?

Pay attention to how you feel when talking to the therapist during the consultation. If you don’t feel like they are a good match, asking them for a referral to someone else is okay. Marriage counselors want you to have the best experience and outcome, even if it is not with them.

Answering Your Top Questions About Marriage Counseling

What Issues Can Marriage Counselors Help With?

Marriage counselors can work with individual family members and the family as a whole to address depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders. They can treat couples and families who have experienced infidelity, divorce, remarriage, blending families, substance use disorders, and unhealthy generational patterns.

Marriage counselors can work with families with parenting differences, as well as those experiencing distress due to harmful behaviors, and you can quickly see positive results.

How Do I Find a Marriage Counselor Who is Right for Me?

Your initial search may start online with a “marriage counselors near me” search, but that is just the beginning. As you find marriage counselors in your area, take a look to see what their specialties are, as some specialize in, for example, blended families, infidelity, intimacy, addiction, and so on.

You should also read their online reviews. If you know someone who has worked with them in the past, ask for their opinion. Seek referrals from friends, teachers, coworkers, and physicians. You can also search using the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists provider locator tool.

How Long Does Marriage Counseling Usually Take?

Marriage counseling is typically shorter than other therapies. According to research from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, more than 65% of cases require less than 20 sessions to resolve. The average number of marital or couples sessions is 11.5, for family therapy it’s 9, and for individual sessions it’s 13.

Do Marriage Counselors Take Insurance?

Many marriage counselors take the insurance plans that are most commonly used in your area. Major companies and some smaller ones typically credential them. More insurance companies may cover marriage counselors working at a treatment facility.

However, don’t let insurance be the deciding factor when choosing a counselor. Choose the one you connect with the most. Then, discuss the terms of payment. Many marriage counselors offer reduced or sliding scale fees. They may even agree to apply for credentialing with your insurance company.

Can Marriage Counseling Help Save a Failing Marriage?

Yes, marriage counseling can help save a marriage, but only if both partners are willing participants and want to save their marriage. Counselors are like teachers. They show you the necessary skills and give you the tools to succeed.

If you implement what you know, you can save your marriage. If you don’t, then it is likely the marriage will not survive. What you put into therapy is what you will get out of it.

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Common Marriage Counseling Approaches

Hundreds of marriage counseling approaches exist, and the ones your counselor chooses will be based on your family’s exact challenges and stressors. Each approach is unique, with specific benefits. Some of the most common counseling techniques include the following.

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)

EFT is effective for couples who have lost a connection to their partner, whether the loss is due to a betrayal, mental health disorder, or other family issue. EFT reduces negative emotions and feelings so couples can rekindle their connection physically and mentally.

EFT is beneficial to couples experiencing one or more of the following:

Learning to express your emotions to your partner is crucial for improving your relationship. EFT can help. You and your partner can find the physical and emotional closeness your relationship needs.

Gottman Method

The Gottman method for couples therapy increases adjustment and intimacy in a relationship. It helps couples who constantly disagree, feel stuck in a relationship rut, and feel disconnected due to one or more significant issues. The Gottman method benefits couples by:

  • Improving communication
  • Improving physical and emotional intimacy
  • Reducing conflict
  • Becoming aware of each other’s needs
  • Building trust
  • Reestablishing commitment

The Gottman method focuses on outnumbering negative interactions with positive ones. This helps you change your feelings about your partner, seeing their strengths rather than weaknesses.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for couples is often called cognitive behavioral couples therapy or CBCT and is effective for couples who struggle with negative thought processes that may lead to unhealthy behaviors.

CBCT teaches each person how to identify negative thoughts or inaccurate thinking patterns and then replace those thoughts with positive or realistic ones. CBCT can help couples with the following:

  • Increasing marital satisfaction
  • Reducing marital conflicts
  • Reducing cognitive distortions
  • Improving communication
  • Reducing anxiety or depression
  • Relieving psychological distress

CBT helps couples improve their social skills to function better as a family. The skills they learn can also enhance other family relationships. They no longer have to make assumptions about the other person because they now communicate appropriately and work together to resolve issues.

Finding Marriage Counselors Near You

Searching “marriage counselors near me” is a good first step in finding the best counselor for your family. Avoid choosing the first therapist that pops up or is closest to your home unless they meet all your standards, like education, experience, and specialty.

You may also use online search tools to find a counselor. Therapy.com is proud to have an extensive directory of marriage counselors and other types of mental health professionals, but you can also incorporate tools from:

  • American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists
  • The Gottman Institute
  • Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration
  • National Alliance on Mental Health

You may also want to include a search for online marriage counselors who can meet with you and your partner virtually, which can be more convenient for many couples.

For each therapist revealed in your search, don’t forget to check their reviews. Also, verify their credentials under their company’s “bios” or “about” section. Whether you make the first contact through their online chat or by calling their office, schedule an initial consultation where you can get to know them better before beginning therapy.

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