Infidelity Counseling: How to Heal and Rebuild Trust

Rebuilding trust after infidelity is one of the most challenging tasks in a relationship because you have to deal with complex feelings and question whether the relationship can truly survive the betrayal. Infidelity is, foremost, a betrayal of trust.

Your ability to heal in the aftermath of fidelity, both as a couple and as individuals, is a gradual process of finding forgiveness and rebuilding trust.

What Counts as Infidelity?

Infidelity is not confined to physical cheating. It can take many forms, including emotional affairs that occur both in-person and online.

Regardless of the exact circumstances, the common denominator is that there is an emotional attachment to someone outside of the relationship and a betrayal of trust inside the relationship.

It’s important to recognize that each relationship is different and partners often have their own ways of defining what “cheating” looks like in their relationship. Couples inevitably establish boundaries of trust within their relationship.

When one partner crosses those boundaries and breaks their partner’s trust, the impact is often devastating for both parties. Partners will experience deep emotional pain which may include depression, anxiety, and uncertainty about the future together.

There are numerous types of infidelity that may occur in a romantic relationship:

Physical

This is seen as engaging in intimate physical contact with a person other than one’s partner. For most couples, physical infidelity involves any form of sexual contact.

Other forms of physical intimacy, such as handholding, kissing, hugging, or petting, can be considered a form of infidelity because it’s a breach of trust.

Emotional

Developing an intimate, emotional connection with another individual can be harder to define but can be just as damaging as a physical affair. Emotional infidelity often leads one partner to distance themselves from the other.

They may spend most of their free time with someone other than with their partner. Emotional infidelity also typically involves sharing intimate conversations, developing romantic feelings, talking about one’s partner, and creating emotional distance in the primary relationship.

Digital

Online or digital infidelity may include participating in interactions, conversations, connections, or emotional investment with others online through social media, e-mail, or texting (also known as “sexting”).

While digital infidelity can lead to meeting in person, a cyber affair can be a continuous romantic or sexual relationship maintained mainly through electronic communication. It can also include erotic encounters with multiple people online.

Regardless of the type of relationship betrayal, most will agree that cheating often falls on a continuum and often begins with emotional infidelity, like flirting, which can lead to more physical infidelity, like sexual intercourse.

Effects of Infidelity on Individuals and Couples

Infidelity in marriage or any other romantic partnership can destroy trust, impact mental health, and leave lasting emotional wounds. While infidelity trauma has not been widely explored in research, many mental health professionals recognize it as a form of interpersonal trauma that significantly impacts those involved.

Emotional infidelity, in particular, can feel confusing because it cannot be clearly defined. And if it is without a physical betrayal, many wonder if they can justify feeling hurt or distrustful toward their partner. But emotional cheating can be just as damaging to a relationship as physical infidelity.

When your partner is confiding in someone else, prioritizing them emotionally, developing romantic feelings, or investing more time, energy, or resources into someone outside of the relationship, both your trust and your sense of self can be shaken. You may be left with feelings of low self-worth, insecurity, and uncertainty.

While reactions to infidelity vary, some common responses include the following:

Trauma and Stress Responses

Shock and Denial: Struggling with accepting the betrayal, which can include emotional numbness, or feeling disconnected from reality
Stress: Difficulty coping with daily life, overwhelming emotional distress, and mental exhaustion
Interpersonal Trauma: Intrusive thoughts, hyperarousal, avoidance behaviors, and emotional flashbacks

Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety Symptoms: Feeling on edge and unable to relax, constant fear of the relationship ending, excessive fear about the future, and overanalysis of their partner’s behaviors.
Depression Symptoms: Persistent sadness, feelings of hopelessness, lack of motivation, changes in sleep or eating habits, and isolation or withdrawal

Self-Worth and Identity Crisis

Self-Doubt and Low Self-Esteem: Questioning one’s worth, attractiveness, or adequacy in the relationship
Negative Thoughts: Developing negative views about relationships, self-worth, and trust in others
Attachment Wounds: Emotional detachment, fear of abandonment, hyper-independence as a coping mechanism

Relationship-Specific Reactions

Anger and Betrayal Response: Feelings of rage, resentment, and sometimes desire for revenge
Jealousy and Comparison: Obsessive thoughts about the third party, questioning worth, and feeling inadequate compared to them
Trust Issues: Constant suspicion of future betrayal, difficulty rebuilding trust, and fear of vulnerability

Surviving Infidelity: Can a Relationship Recover?

Relationships can survive and recover after infidelity, but it requires time, patience, and effort. Recovery from infidelity is not about “forgiving and forgetting,” but about understanding what happened, healing emotional wounds, and creating a new foundation of trust.

Rebuilding trust is complicated, and both partners must work together after one partner has cheated. The partner who cheated needs to demonstrate accountability and remorse to the betrayed partner, and the betrayed partner must work through their feelings and need for control because trust has been broken.

Forgiveness plays an important role in restoring trust. Over time, the betrayed partner will start to trust again if they see consistent, positive changes, including openness, cooperation, and mutual support.

Some steps toward healing include:

Open, Honest Communication

To heal from infidelity, open communication and building trust are necessary. A safe space for expressing honest emotions without judgment or fear is needed with active listening and “I” statements.

Setting clear boundaries and being honest about daily activities can help rebuild trust.

Healing Emotional Wounds

Emotional healing involves dealing with difficult feelings, such as anger and guilt, taking time to heal and forgive, and slowly and patiently rebuilding intimacy.

Seeking Professional Support

Infidelity counseling can be a crucial part of relationship recovery. Many couples find it helpful to work with an infidelity therapist.

Marriage counseling for cheating can provide evidence-based strategies for helping partners deal with the pain and uncertainty that comes with infidelity.

FAQs

What is Infidelity, and Why Does It Happen?

Infidelity is when one partner crosses the physical or emotional boundaries of trust set within a relationship, leading to a sense of betrayal. Infidelity can happen for many reasons, including unmet needs, poor communication, or personal struggles within a relationship.

Despite what most people think, research has found that people cheat for different reasons, not just because they’re unhappy in their relationship.

What is Emotional Infidelity, and How is It Different from Physical Affairs?

Emotional infidelity is when one partner forms strong, emotional ties with someone outside the relationship.

Intimate thoughts, feelings, and experiences that should be reserved for the relationship are shared outside the relationship.

Physical affairs break sexual monogamy, but they may not have an emotional component. Emotional infidelity is about emotional closeness and keeping secrets, and it can make the betrayed partner feel abandoned.

Can a Relationship Survive Infidelity?

Relationships can survive infidelity, but it takes time, accountability, effort, and oftentimes professional guidance to rebuild trust and repair the betrayal damage.

How Can Infidelity Counseling Help?

An infidelity therapist is there to help process what happened and try to make sense of it.

Infidelity counseling can help provide strategies and tools to navigate hurt emotions, rebuild trust within the relationship, and help find the best way forward for the relationship—whether that means staying together or separating.

Where Can I Find a Marriage Counselor Near Me?

You can find an infidelity therapist by looking at online mental health directories, asking people you trust for referrals, or asking your primary care physician to recommend a clinician specializing in marriage counseling.

Infidelity Counseling & Marriage Therapy

Infidelity counseling and couple’s therapy provides a safe and supportive space to guide individuals and couples to work through the tough emotions that come with infidelity in marriage or infidelity in any romantic partnership.

Infidelity counseling helps partners talk about their feelings, figure out why there was infidelity, and begin the process of rebuilding trust.

A skilled infidelity therapist helps couples understand their relationship dynamics, improve communication, and learn coping strategies to move forward.

This process includes redefining and clarifying boundaries, restoring trust, and strengthening emotional closeness in the relationship.

Infidelity counseling also helps partners gain clarity about the future of their relationship, whether that means working toward healing together or moving on to grow as individuals and avoiding carrying emotional baggage into future relationships.

Finding the Right Marriage Counselor

If you’re looking for support in surviving infidelity or marriage counseling for cheating, finding the right therapist is important.

Here’s what to consider when searching for a marriage counselor near you or an infidelity therapist:

Experience in Infidelity Counseling

Not all therapists specialize in this area, even if they are a couple’s therapist.

Approach to Therapy

It is important to clearly define and agree on the definition of infidelity, as this guides the infidelity therapist’s interventions used. Approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and The Gottmann Method can help couples heal from infidelity.

Comfort and Trust

You should feel safe opening up to your therapist about the infidelity.

Reaching out for professional support can be hard, but it also can make all the difference in navigating infidelity. If you’re ready to begin, consider contacting a marriage counselor who specializes in infidelity therapy.

Whether it’s repairing your relationship or finding peace and moving on, this professional support can provide the necessary tools and guidance to move forward after infidelity in a marriage or romantic partnership.

Infidelity Counseling: Healing After Betrayal