What Is Narcissism?
A simple definition of narcissism is extreme self involvement. A narcissist neglects the needs of others to put self first.
It’s important to note that narcissism exists on a spectrum, with all humans exhibiting this trait to some extent. Depending on its severity, narcissism can be a personality trait or a mental health disorder, known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
It’s also important to understand that narcissism isn’t a result of overly high self esteem.
Instead, narcissistic behavior is about desiring and seeking admiration and attention, combined with a sense of entitlement. And behind the facade of confidence typically lies an insecure individual unsure of their self worth.
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Traits of Narcissism
Are all selfish behaviors or self centered thoughts considered narcissistic behavior? No. However, certain egocentric traits do demonstrate narcissism.
Common narcissistic characteristics include:
- Lack of empathy: Can’t or won’t empathize with the needs or feelings of others
- Grandiosity: Acting superior, dominant and aggressively magnifying self importance
- Surrounding oneself with people who inflate the ego: The main goal of relationships is to serve my needs
- Sense of entitlement: Expecting special treatment or favors that I am “due”
- Sense of self importance: Believing my needs are superior to others’ needs
- Manipulative behavior: Taking advantage of others to meet my needs or reach my goals
- Need for admiration: Feeling frustrated or angry when I don’t get the attention and admiration I want
- Arrogance: Excessive bragging and exaggerated sense of abilities
- Preoccupation with power or success: Overly concerned with superior performance
- Envy: Jealous of others or convinced others are jealous of me
- Need to have the best of everything: Believing I deserve only the highest quality and must demonstrate my superiority to others
- Critical of and look down on others: Criticizing others in an attempt to make myself look better
Causes of Narcissism
While the causes of narcissism are complex, childhood experiences and resulting personality development play a key role. Adverse childhood experiences can lead to the development of either grandiose narcissism (from too much adoration) or vulnerable narcissism (from too much criticism).
- Grandiose Narcissism: This can stem from parents’ treating their child as superior to others.
- The child grows to believe they are better than others and, as an adult, is a braggart and elitist.
- Vulnerable Narcissism: This can be caused by childhood abuse or neglect.
- This instills fear and insecurity, and the individual becomes upset when they don’t receive special treatment from others, which reassures them of their value.
Narcissism vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)
Most people demonstrate narcissistic behavior on occasion. Bragging about a victory, for instance, does not indicate an individual is experiencing NPD. However, consistent narcissistic behavior can be an indication of NPD.
The American Psychological Association (APA) explains that narcissistic behaviors only constitute NPD when the narcissistic traits are “inflexible, maladaptive and persisting and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress.”
How Narcissism Affects Relationships
Narcissistic individuals can seem charming initially, but narcissistic behavior is eventually damaging to relationships.
In fact, narcissistic personality disorder can destroy relationships, and even less severe narcissistic tendencies can cause damage and make relationships hard to maintain.
Narcissistic traits create an emotional imbalance in the relationship. The narcissistic person wants all the attention, focus and praise, and they tend to try to control the other person and the environment so these needs are met.
Others who spend time with the narcissistic individual may suffer from narcissistic abuse, such as criticism, neglect or outright hostility.
The narcissist feels easily threatened and may lash out if they don’t think others are providing the treatment to which they believe they are entitled. Narcissistic people also lose relationships when others grow weary of being manipulated or used for the narcissist’s personal gain.
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Coping and Boundary Setting
If you’re experiencing narcissistic abuse from a friend or family member, it’s important to take steps to protect yourself.
- Be assertive: If you have needs, speak up and be clear, direct and concise.
- Establish boundaries: This will probably upset or disappoint a narcissistic individual, but that is to be expected. You are not responsible for their emotional response.
- Choose words carefully: Keep in mind that narcissistic individuals don’t take constructive criticism well. They also like to be in charge. Try to make positive comments, and try to direct them gently rather than lead them.
- Get support: Establish a core group of people in your life who can support you. And seek professional support from a therapist when you need it. Learn more about individual therapy.
- Stay calm: Try not to react if a narcissistic person lashes out at you. Keep in mind their mentality is similar to that of a toddler who hasn’t gotten their way.
Healing After Narcissistic Relationships
Being in a narcissistic relationship can leave a person feeling used, abused and of little worth.
The narcissistic individual likely criticized often and never empathized. Healing from a narcissistic relationship requires reaffirming one’s own self worth, which likely wasn’t valued by the narcissistic individual.
Counseling sessions with a professional therapist can help with this healing process.
The therapist can provide insights into the situation, help you process things that happened in the relationship and assist you in developing coping mechanisms so you can better manage narcissistic behavior in the future.
Narcissism FAQs
Narcissism is characterized by a heightened sense of self importance. Traits include a lack of empathy, a strong need for admiration, manipulative behavior and entitlement.
No. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a diagnosable mental health condition involving persistent, destructive narcissistic behaviors. Narcissism, on the other hand, is a personality trait that many people exhibit at least on occasion.
Childhood experiences are a main cause of narcissism. When caregivers overvalue or undervalue the child, narcissistic tendencies can develop.
Narcissism damages relationships through narcissistic abuse. The narcissist belittles, criticizes, uses, demonstrates a lack of empathy and neglects others in an effort to build themselves up or gain what they believe they are entitled to from others.
Yes, narcissism and NPD are treatable. However, change is typically slow and narcissistic individuals will rarely seek treatment on their own. Treatment involves psychotherapy or psychoanalysis that focuses on helping the individual understand their own behavior and learning how to relate better with others.
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