Premarital Counseling: Build a Strong Foundation

What Is Premarital Counseling?

Questions about premarital counseling are common. Most people want to understand it before participating. Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that prepares couples for married life. It helps couples address any concerning issues or major disagreements, teaches relationship skills and educates them about what it takes to make a marriage successful.

Premarital counseling helps couples establish agreements, align values, resolve conflicts and get on the same page regarding children, religion, living location, finances, careers and family relationships.

A licensed marriage and family therapist typically leads premarital counseling, but some people choose to work with their religious leaders, such as their church pastor. Premarital counseling is different from marriage counseling, which occurs after the couple marries.

When couples seek marriage counseling, they usually have been engaged in an ongoing issue that arose after their wedding. However, sometimes issues that come up later in marriage can instead be resolved in advance through premarital counseling.

Why Premarital Counseling Matters

Successful marriages involve two people committed to working on issues together, making necessary changes for the relationship’s good, and prioritizing the marriage.

Premarital counseling can help couples achieve this by improving communication skills, setting shared goals, managing expectations, and building resilience. In addition, premarital therapists help couples become emotionally ready for marriage.

Premarital counseling helps couples discuss complicated topics and potential obstacles before they happen.

Early in relationships, it can be easy to miss the signs of trouble that can impede relationships, like:

Undiagnosed mental or physical health conditions
Lack of boundaries in family relationships
Differences in core beliefs and values
Strengths and weaknesses that impact the relationship
Spending and debt
Handling stress
Jealousy and trust issues
Maturity levels

Couples may discover many other challenges during premarital counseling. Dealing with them before marriage helps you avoid future arguments and hurt feelings. Premarital counseling is the best way to learn how to tackle problems as a team, making you stronger as a couple.

Long-Term Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Premarital counseling prepares you for the long-term issues that may arise throughout your marriage. Long-term benefits include the following:

Stronger physical and emotional connection
Ability to resolve conflicts effectively
Ability to communicate respectfully
Reduction of relationship distress
Improvement of mental and physical health
Reduction of the divorce rate

Statistics show that couples who participate in premarital counseling have a 30% higher marriage success rate than those who don’t receive counseling. The benefits of premarital counseling extend well beyond the wedding.

FAQs

What is Premarital Counseling?

Premarital counseling is a type of therapy that helps couples who are planning to get married resolve issues and learn essential relationship skills to strengthen their marriage. It gives couples the tools they need to face the obstacles of married life together.

How Long is Premarital Counseling?

The time it takes to complete premarital counseling differs for every couple. It is crucial to begin premarital counseling several months before the wedding. When necessary, you can continue therapy once married in marriage counseling.

Is a Premarital Agreement Required for Counseling?

No, a premarital agreement is not required for counseling. However, couples must be able to respect and value one another and agree to work toward resolutions together.

What Kinds of Questions are Asked in Premarital Counseling?

Typical questions asked in premarital counseling focus on topics such as finances, religion or spirituality, parenting, life goals, family relationships, sex and role expectations. Questions help you and your future spouse recognize differences and find ways to bridge the gaps where necessary.

Can We Do Premarital Counseling Online?

Many licensed marriage and family therapists offer online and in-person premarital counseling. You can benefit from it if you can attend counseling and participate online together. You must also be consistent in attendance, homework and any other assigned activities outside the therapy session.

What to Expect in Premarital Counseling Sessions

Premarital counseling sessions typically last an hour or longer. Both you and your future spouse attend most sessions together.

However, during some sessions, the therapist meets with you individually to work on specific skills you can take into the marriage, or to work through individual issues that may interfere with the relationship.

Both individual and couples therapy involve various techniques to improve your overall well-being and the strength of your relationship. Many wonder, “How long is premarital counseling?”

The answer lies in how long it takes couples to progress through various stages, including:

Assessing and building therapeutic relationships
Promoting change, reducing stress, and strengthening the relationship
Determining and maintaining goals

Couples must be open and honest with their therapist to get the most effective treatment. They must engage fully during each stage of therapy.

Assessments and Therapy Techniques

Marriage and family therapists will initially assess your relationship and may include individual evaluations.

Assessments inform therapists about your past and current relationship issues, mental and physical health, extended family relationships and any factors that may concern the marriage. The information they gather helps them create a treatment plan.

Premarital counseling consists of different methods to teach specific relationship skills. Common therapies include:

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)
Solution-focused couples therapy (SFCT)
Integrative behavioral couples therapy (IBCT)
Relationship education
The Gottman Method
Emotionally-focused therapy (EFT)

Therapy techniques become more specific as issues become a priority. Some couples may need targeted therapy for intimacy, infidelity, cultural differences, anger management or parenting.

Typical Premarital Counseling Questions

Couples often want to know what to expect and what types of questions to expect, but these vary depending on the dynamics of their relationship. General questions may include:

What roles and duties do you expect your spouse to take on?
How will you handle finances?
Will both of you work outside the home?
Where do you stand on having children? How many children do you want?
How do you plan to educate your children?
What is your parenting style?
What are your long-term goals as a family?
How do you make major life decisions?
Where will you live?
How do you handle extended family relationships?

Couples may not figure everything out in the months of therapy before the wedding. They may consider entering couples therapy after marriage as part of building a successful relationship.

A study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that people who had received premarital education reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction and lower levels of relationship distress. In addition, they were more likely to seek couples counseling in the future because they saw it as a benefit.

Finding the Right Therapist

Searching for “premarital counseling near me” or “couples counseling near me” will give you results of local, licensed marriage and family therapists and professional counselors, treatment centers, social workers and other types of professionals.

It may feel overwhelming and confusing to decide which one to contact. The following are important factors to consider.

What to Look for in a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

Finding the right therapist means digging deeper to ensure they have the proper credentials, experience, specialties, references and reviews.

You also want to make sure your personalities match. Qualified premarital counselors have the following:

A master’s degree in marriage and family counseling, counseling or a related field
Licensure or certification in marriage and family counseling
Specialized training or supervision in marriage and family counseling
Positive reviews or references from couples

Ask for an online or in-person consultation to discuss their style, techniques and credentials. Through this consultation, you can see if you connect with them. If so, move forward with an assessment.

Choosing Between Online and In-Person Services

Online and in-person services have advantages and disadvantages. You and your spouse must discuss and agree on a format before deciding.

Advantages of Online and In-Person Therapy

The advantages of online marital and premarital counseling include the following:

Saves time
Is more convenient
Saves money
You can receive treatment from anywhere
Provides flexibility

In-person therapy has advantages, also, including:

Allowing the therapist to respond to body language
Enhancing the therapeutic relationship
Helping couples with self-reflection and expressing their emotions better
Allowing the therapist to react to crises or emergencies

In the Journal of Medical Internet Research, study results show online therapies have higher retention rates than in-person sessions. However, relationship satisfaction and success were equal among participants, and the location did not make a difference.